As a Child Specialist, Pam’s role is to act as a Neutral facilitator who can bring the voice of a child, or children, to the negotiation process that occurs during Mediation or Collaborative Divorce. At the same time, Pam also provides her experienced opinion regarding the specific developmental and emotional needs of the child/ren. This provides parents with a context in which to understand their own child/ren’s experiences, behaviors, conflicts and wishes, so that they can make parenting decisions that will be most useful for their child/ren. A Child Specialist can be particularly helpful when parents are aware that their child/ren are having specific difficulties (eg. Behavior problems, poor transitions between homes, anxiety/depression), when parents have different views about the wishes or needs of their child/ren, or when parents have reached a standstill in their negotiation of a parenting plan.
How is a referral made?
Parents can refer themselves and contact Pam directly or may be referred to Pam either by their Mediator or Legal Counsel. Parents who are interested in this process and have heard of the Child Specialist role from another source, are encouraged to talk with their Mediator or Legal Counsel and refer them to
www.pamfanjoy.com for further information or to contact Pam Fanjoy directly to discuss whether this may be useful in their situation.
Both parents
MUST consent to the children’s participation. Pam works best with parents who are looking to move forward as productively and efficiently as possible. Pam does not provide Custody and Access Assessments, work with families under court order, or participate in litigation or court related family matters. Her skill is in working collaboratively with parents and the professionals assisting them to seek a more peaceful resolution to their differences.
The Process:
Once a referral is made, Pam begins her work by gathering information about what issues each parent, and/or their lawyers, hope to better understand by having the children involved in the mediation process. This happens in one of two ways:
1) Pam will have a phone consultation with the Mediator/Lawyers prior to meeting for an individual session (90 mins) with each parent to understand their perspectives and concerns. Once both parent sessions have occurred the child/ren’s sessions are scheduled.
OR
2) If preferred, Pam can attend a 4 or 5-way meeting with the parents and their mediator/lawyers, to discuss together what the presenting concerns are and what each person is hoping to gain from this process. Pam always consults with the Mediator and/or both lawyers for 15-30 minutes before this meeting to learn what the parents’ involvement with them has been to date. The joint meeting can take 45mins to 1.5 hours depending on the complexity of issues to be discussed. The benefits to beginning the process this way is that everyone has a clear understanding of the issues and questions to be answered during the time Pam will spend with the children.
Child/ren Interviews:
Through direct interviews with the child/ren, Pam brings a better understanding to parents and their Mediator and/or Legal Counsel about the following:
1) The specific presenting concerns that parents have raised in the negotiation process that has lead them to involve the Child Specialist (examples may include wondering why children are having trouble transitioning between homes, how parental conflict is affecting child/ren, how the child/ren understands or experiences the parental separation, or how different parenting styles impact the child/ren)
2) Any questions that Counsel may have about the child/ren so that they may best help the parents resolve their differences by keeping the needs of their child/ren primary in their negotiations
3) The Developmental needs of the child/ren based on their age, developmental history and emotional maturity
4) The child/ren’s temperament and personality style and how that may impact their experiences
5) The child’s current general emotional state including a screening for any symptoms of anxiety and/or depression and more specific feedback about the child’s coping strategies, effectiveness of those strategies, problem solving abilities, and cognitive distortions that may be affecting the child’s mood negatively.
6) Separation specific information such as the child/ren’s understanding of the reason for the parental separation, experience of having two homes and transitions, any changes since parental separation such as new homes, changes in school, parents having new partners and/or blended families beginning.
What do the Child/ren Interviews look like?
Pam will conduct three to four child/ren sessions during the assessment. It is best when this occurs on a weekly basis until the sessions are completed. Each parent is expected to participate in bringing the child/ren to at least one of these appointments and when each parent brings the child/ren to their first appointment, the parent will join the session for the first 5-10 minutes to review Pam’s role, issues around confidentiality and most importantly to allow the child experience Pam saying the same things to each parent about the process that they are all engaging in to better understand the needs of the child/ren. There will also be some initial paperwork for each parent to review and sign when they attend their first appointment with Pam, which can be completed prior to the appointment if you arrive 5-10 minutes early. When more than one child is referred, siblings are seen together for the first appointment that each parent brings them to and then Pam determines who will attend any additional appointments.
Sessions are always interactive and may combine talking, art, playing games, humor and creativity to engage children and teens in expressing themselves with more ease. Pam has also received training as a play therapist and works well with younger children using play therapy techniques to understand experiences that younger children struggle to express in words. Her respectful approach allows children to understand that the very reason they are there is to help parents better understand what they want to be different in their lives, however, if children ask to have something kept confidential, Pam will respect that request unless it involves their safety. If a child raises concerns that they are at risk of harm, are suicidal or self harming parents will be informed. For more information about Pam’s experience working in Children’s Mental Health organizations, and Outpatient and Inpatient Child Psychiatry, please refer to her CV at
www.pamfanjoy.com.
My teen doesn’t want to come and participate. What do I do?
Pam has over 15 years experiencing in working with children and adolescents and is known for being highly skilled in engaging reluctant youth in exploring their feelings and opinions more openly. Her down to earth and friendly approach with teens puts them at ease quickly. It is important that parents set the tone and are clear with their teen about their expectations that they participate. Often teens feel relieved to know that they can talk about anything with Pam during this time, and that Pam will be talking with them not only about the changes in their family and parental separation, but also about their friends, interests, extra curricular activities, school etc…
Parent need only to focus on getting the teen to the first appointment and then Pam will work together with them to feel at more ease coming to the next session. Teens are also welcome to visit Pam’s website prior to the appointment or to call her directly to discuss any concerns or questions they may have.
Office Hours and Location:
Pam works as an independent practitioner and her Toronto office location is at Dundas West and Islington Avenue, where her practice is housed with a group of highly skilled Collaborative Professionals at Chestnut Collaborative Solutions. Appointments are available Tuesday to Thursdays between 830 am and 5 pm. Once a month there is limited evening availability up to 7pm.
How long does the total process take?
The length that this process takes varies according to parents’ availability and scheduling but from the date of the initial appointment with the parents Pam strives to provide the Feedback session within four weeks so that parents can move forward in their negotiations in a timely way.
What happens during the Feedback Session?
Once the child/ren sessions have been completed, the parents and their referral source are provided with verbal feedback about the sessions and recommendations about how best to help the child and family move forward constructively. The feedback session ALWAYS occur with both parents present and when relevant, their Mediator or Collaborative Lawyers. This ensures that both parents hear the same information at the same time and any questions can be asked at that time to ensure the maximum benefit is gained from the feedback Mediators and/or Counsel being present allows the feedback to be made relevant to the work that parents are doing with them and discussion to occur specifically about those issues with Pam’s input. It becomes a live and meaningful conversation to move things forward in a positive direction.
Pam remains available after the feedback session for “booster sessions” with parents and their Mediator/Council and to facilitate any referrals that may be useful. Should recommendations made include any ongoing counseling being provided to the children or family, Pam will discuss several options, provide resources to parents, and outline relevant counseling goals. Pam does remain available to provide any necessary counseling to children and teens after assessment if parents agree that the ‘fit’ has been positive for their child/ren.
I have more questions. How can they be answered?
Feel free to contact Pam Fanjoy, MSW, RSW by phone at her Toronto Office at (647)-348-1866 for further information or visit
www.pamfanjoy.com. For further information about the unique Collaborative family work or Co-mediation that Pam Fanjoy, MSW, RSW and Sheila Brown, MSW, RSW, Acc. FM offer visit
www.facilitatingchange.ca
